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Camo Couch

April 4, 2007 3:28 pm / Leave a Comment / Keith

Honey, I need you to;

1) Strip the beds.
2) Wash the dog. No, dogs do not go in the washing machine. Remember what happened when you tried that with the cat?
3) Cut the grass.
4) Edge the lawn.
5) Pull the weeds.
6) Wash the car.
7) Take out the garbage.
8) Mop the kithchen floor.
9) Vacumm the carpet, yes the WHOLE house.
10) No, wash the other car. Now that I think about it, wash both. Oh, and the neighbor’s RV too. He’s old.
11) Clean out the gutters
12) Do the laundry.
13) Clean up the dog poop from the back yard.
14) Drive to the grocery store and pick up some… honey? Honey? Where are you? (<—Click on link)

Posted in: Uncategorized / Tagged: Humor

Police Comments

April 3, 2007 3:46 am / Leave a Comment / Keith

I received this from a friend of mine this morning and it is hilarious. These are supposedly 16 comments of actual police car videos from around the country.

#16 “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder that the one you just went through.”

#15 “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”

#14 “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”

#13 “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

#12 “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.”

#11 “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”

#10 “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”

#9 “Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

#8 “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

#7 “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”

#6 “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

#5 “In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.”

#4 “How big were those ‘Just two beers’ you say you had?”

#3 “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”

#2 “I’m glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”

AND THE WINNER IS…. #1 “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”

Posted in: Uncategorized / Tagged: Humor, Police

DVD Outreach to Mormons

March 31, 2007 4:58 am / 10 Comments / Keith

Well, it’s over, but the work has just begun. March 25th, 2007 was a historic day. Never in the history of Mormonism has there been a bigger outreach to the Mormon people. An anonymous Christian businessman donated 600,000 DVDs to Christians, churches, and ministries who would agree to distribute them door to door on March 25th. The DVD, titled Jesus Christ/Joseph Smith is an excellent production that contrasts the differences between Christianity and Mormonism.

Not only did Christians in Utah participate in the DVD outreach, but DVDs were also made available to those of us outside Mormon country. The idea was to blanket communities that have a Mormon temple. For roughly .53 a piece, we had the opportunity to buy as many DVDs as the Lord would provide for and join in on the distribution. Our original goal was to raise enough money to purchase 5,000 DVDs and distribute them in the Stone Oak area of San Antonio, which is where the LDS temple is located.

We put the word out about the distribution and gave people the opportunity to participate financially and boy, did they respond. Christians gave, gave, gave some more and then when they were finished giving, they contributed enough funds to purchase 14,000 DVDs! We were completely surprised and excited on one hand and overwhelmed and concerned on the other. How in the world would we get enough people to prepare and distribute all of those DVDs? God came through again and supplied us with 110 people from 15 different churches.

After the distribution, I was struck by exactly how big of a job we had just done. When I thought about our original goal of 5,000 I realized that God had purposely given us more than we could do by ourselves. I believe this was so that we would rely on Him instead of trying to accomplish this work in our own strength.

These last five days have been very busy trying to keep up with all of the news about the DVD distribution. Although most of the DVDs were distributed in Mormon country, Christians also distributed DVDs in Washington, California, Idaho, Wyoming, Colorado, Arizona, Texas, Iowa, Illinois, Missouri, Indiana, Ohio, New York, Virginia, Montana, Nevada, Nebraska, Tennessee, and Oregon. The DVD has also been sent to Australia, Chile, Mexico, Liberia West Africa, and several places in Europe.

Aside from reaching out to the Mormons, the DVD also serves the purpose of inoculating non-Mormons from joining the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It has been said that for the effort that it takes to get one person out of Mormonism, hundreds could be kept from ever joining. Distributing the DVD to Mormons and non-Mormons alike addresses two ways of keeping the LDS Church from growing as much as it could. We can focus on getting people out and keeping others from joining in the first place. Obviously people have the freedom to join whatever religion they wish, but we find that informing the public about what Mormonism really teaches is usually enough to ensure that they do not become Mormons.

So far I have heard of six professions of faith and some others who have left the LDS Church. We expect to hear many more stories about what God is doing. Please join us in prayer for God to use the DVDs to save Mormons and give glory to His name. For more information about the DVD and to view it online, visit Good News For LDS.

Posted in: Uncategorized / Tagged: DVD, Jesus Christ/Joseph Smith, Mormonism

Pistol League Video- Shooting The Texas Star

March 24, 2007 12:51 pm / 2 Comments / Keith

Last week was the final week for pistol league # 10, the first BulletHole league of the year for 2007. Because our team (the Deadeyes) has won the league a number of times, we are no longer in competition for a team trophy. We can still earn individual trophies, but not together as a team.

This league was not a good one for me. Although I finished 10th out of more than 65 shooters, I could have done much better. Out of the seven weeks of the league, I was satisfied with my preformance only twice. Three weeks were just bad shooting and for the last two weeks my gun jammed. If I shot to my potential, I could have been as high as 5th place and earned a 2nd place trophy for my division. Here is a youtube video of one of my good runs.

Posted in: Uncategorized / Tagged: Gun, Pistol League, Shooting Video

From The Jewel Box # 10

March 23, 2007 3:11 am / Leave a Comment / Keith

3/20/07

The other night at the dinner table, our five year old daughter said;

“I think I know how to spell DVD. D-V-D. I might be able to
write it too.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Some day she’ll realize the phone number for 911.

*******
Important note: We will not reveal the names of our children on this blog. Any comment that mentions our children’s names will be deleted. It is nothing personal, we just feel that it is an important safety measure for our family. If you would like to read the other FTJB entries, click on the “From the Jewel Box” link in the side bar on the right or on the Jewel Box icon at the end of this paragraph. Come on parents! Feel free to share special jewels from your precious children. Just know that on this blog, our kids are the cutest!

Posted in: Uncategorized / Tagged: Cute, Jewel, Kids

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