Today’s entry will be shorter and a lot less serious. A couple of weeks ago I was going through the Sunday paper and came across the Office Max ads. There was a url that told me to “Go elf myself.” I decided to check it out. This is really cute!
On the second day of CHRISTmas my true love said to me,
“Go elf yourself.” (<— click here)And, “Complain about the holiday theme!”
The Twelve Days of Christmas is probably the most misunderstood part of the church year among Christians who are not part of liturgical church traditions. Contrary to much popular belief, these are not the twelve days before Christmas, but in most of the Western Church are the twelve days from Christmas until the eginning of Epiphany (January 6th; the 12 days count from December 25th until January 5th). In some traditions, the first day of Christmas begins on the evening of December 25th with the following day considered the First Day of Christmas (December 26th). In these traditions, the twelve days begin December 26 and include Epiphany on January 6.
The previous paragraph is from a web site I found that explains the Twelve days of CHRISTmas. It explains the symbology of the terms and history. This was news to me. I always thought the twelve days of CHRISTmas was a count-down towards CHRISTmas. The whole reason why I wanted to look into the twelve days of CHRISTmas was because I needed the original lyrics of the song in order to do a parody of it. Here are the original lyrics.
On the 1st day of CHRISTmas my true love gave to me…
A Partridge in a Pear TreeOn the 2nd day of CHRISTmas my true love gave to me…
Two Turtle DovesOn the 3rd day of CHRISTmas my true love gave to me…
Three French HensOn the 4th day of CHRISTmas my true love gave to me…
Four Calling BirdsOn the 5th day of CHRISTmas my true love gave to me…
Five Gold RingsOn the 6th day of CHRISTmas my true love gave to me…
Six Geese A-layingOn the 7th day of CHRISTmas my true love gave to me…
Seven Swans A-swimmingOn the 8th day of CHRISTmas my true love gave to me…
Eight Maids A-milkingOn the 9th day of CHRISTmas my true love gave to me…
Nine Ladies DancingOn the 10th day of CHRISTmas my true love gave to me…
Ten Lords A-leapingOn the 11th day of CHRISTmas my true love gave to me…
Eleven Pipers PipingOn the 12th day of CHRISTmas my true love gave to me…
Twelve Drummers Drumming
Even though I now know the truth about the twelve days of CHRISTmas, I will stick to my original idea and together we will sing my parody of the well known song. The way we will do this is I will start with an explanation of what the present day is and then I’ll present my lyrics. Some of the days are serious, some are funny and some of them are just plain weird. Today, being the first day of our count-down, I will start with a serious topic.
I cannot stand the phrase, “Happy Holidays.” I am so sick and tired of our politically correct culture that is overly concerned about offending people. That is one freedom this country does not grant; freedom from offense. CHRISTmas is about CHRIST and I absolutely refuse to apologize for it. If my wishing you a Merry CHRISTmas offends you, then move to another country. Just don’t you dare try to change the meaning of this Holy day- which is the original meaning of the word “holiday” in the first place.
This politically correct attitude is so infectious that stores and restaurants refuse to use the word CHRISTmas and will substitute it with holiday. I avoid shopping for CHRISTmas gifts at places that don’t use the word. I remember going into a place that sold CHRISTmas lights and holiday trees. WHAT?! Is there such a thing as holiday lights for holiday trees or do CHRISTmas lights work on holiday trees? Why should I spend my hard earned dollars at a place that wants my CHRISTmas money, but refuses to use the word?
I would like to encourage everyone reading this to make sure to let retailers and restaurants know where you stand on this issue. If you see the word “holiday”, ask to speak to a manager and complain. If you see “CHRISTmas,” ask to speak to a manager and THANK them! Letters and e-mails are great too.
This leads us to the first line of our twelve days of CHRISTmas parody. As you read through my new song, try to keep the melody of the original song in your head. I’ll bet some of the lines will stick there long after you want them to.
On the first day of CHRISTmas my true love said to me, “Complain about the holiday theme!”
Hi folks, we’re back. I’m sorry that we haven’t blogged for a whole week! We arrived home from Hawaii on Thanksgiving morning, spent time with family over the holiday weekend and finally got back into the office on Monday. There is always a period of “catch up time” after coming home from a trip.
Once we did get into the office, we had the wonderful privilege of dealing with the IRS. They sent a bill to us without any explanation of why we owed the money. I spent time talking with our CPA and the IRS to figure out what was going on. Basically, it comes down to this. We were billed for a late payment five years ago and thought we paid the amount in full. Five years later the IRS informs us that we still owed $15.37 and fives years worth of interest ($9.73). There is more, but I’ll have you read my letter to the IRS for those details.
IRS:
Enclosed is our check for $25.10 for an unpaid balance and interest. Before the check is cashed, I would ask you to consider a couple of things.
1) The penalties are from the tax period of December 31, 2002. By law you are required to inform us of any penalties every year that they are due. Since this is the first notice we have received in FIVE years, we request that the whole debt of $25.10 be cancelled. I realize that we are only required to pay the $15.37 for the original balance, but since the money wasn’t important FIVE years ago, it makes no sense why you should even attempt to collect on it now.
2) Once we received the past due tax statement, there was no explanation for why we were expected to pay this amount. We do not appreciate the notice on the back of the statement that says, “If you don’t agree with the amount shown on the statement, please call us at 1-800-829-0115, or write to us at the address listed on the payment stub. You will need to tell us why you don’t agree and you may need to send us information to support your statement.”
It is amazing that the IRS would require someone to prove why they do not owe a certain amount before the IRS proves why they expect it. Whatever happened to being innocent until proven guilty? If the IRS is going to collect money from someone, the IRS should at the very least inform the billed party as to why the amount is owed. To illustrate our point, if we sent our payment without the payment stub, you probably would have some difficulty in figuring out why you received the check. That confusion compounds when you receive a bill instead.
If the IRS decides to do the honorable thing, we would appreciate it if the check and debt were cancelled.
Sincerely,
Keith WalkerEvidence Ministries
P.S. The IRS owes us $7,453,784.65. If you do not agree with this amount, please
write to us. You may need to send us information to support your statement.
Merry CHRISTmas.
Brian Brumfield is a friend of mine with a very twisted sense of humor. We get along really well. He owns a web site titled, “SmithBusters” (DANG, I wish I would have thought of that!) and puts some really great material up on the web. Here is one of my favorites.
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